emu5.de

Dear Mrs. Heinle
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Achim Heinle has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Wargo have been compiled and are listed below.


Mr. Wally Underpants President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint

Department MEMO
======================================================

Re: Mr Achim Heinle - Complaints
Things Mr. Steven Gulley has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off
at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.. and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag
of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows
from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used
it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and
waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper
in here!"

Warum stelle ich mir gerade Big F. im Wal Mart vor?

Ich wars nicht. Ehrlich.

Okok, ich hab schon ab und zu mal Condome, Whiskeyflaschen, illustre zeitungen und ähnliches Gewerk in fremde Wägen gelegt, aber ich hab noch nie in die Umkleide gekackt.

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